It was few days after my mom had taken me shopping. And I was just lazy around in my house reading a book or playing game. Well, since I learned how to read written language of this world. I start enjoyed reading from time to time, it was a good way to pass the time and learn new things.
Yup, after finally learning how to read, I immediately read occupations book. I really thinking about my future seriously.
There were a lot of things I could be, I supposed. The sky was the limit. A lot of professions I could follow if I wanted to, if I worked hard for them. But none of that interested me! Because I wanted to be a Magic Developer in capital! In short explanation, this job is about magus or wizard that developing or creating new spells!
Yeah, I was really determined to be one! Not only did it pay a lot, but it was both lucrative and fun. And most of part! It was very safe! I don’t have to face monsters. Who did not want a job like that, really? I definitely wanted something that would pay and I could enjoy at the same time. Sure, magic was a powerful art to possess, and you could do so many things with it. It controlled how certain outcomes could be, and it was powerful and very useful for self-defense. There were different kinds of magic to learn, and you could control different things too. It was a great advantage to have.
Which gave me an idea on where to begin my journey to my future.
My own mother! She told once that I can learn magic sooner or later! I believed it’s time for me to learn magic!
I quickly ran out of my room to find my mother downstairs, in the kitchen. It smelled wonderful and I knew she was almost done preparing lunch for us. She was wearing a nice dress that fitted her well and an apron on top. My father really was a lucky man!
“Mom,” I said, and she looked up at me, stopping what she was doing for a moment.
“Yes, Luke-chan?” Smiling, mom asked and really focusing all her attention on me.
I really liked when she did that, she did not treat me like I was an annoying child. But she spoiled me too much! She paid attention to me and put my needs first as always.
Marianne waited for me to say whatever I wanted to say and I could not help but smile in excitement.
“Please teach me magic!” I begged loudly.
“What?” She asked, clearly surprised by my request.
She hesitated saying anything else, and looked at me intently as if trying to figure out what I meant.
“Magic,” I said again, “can you please teach me. I want to learn.”
Her gaze went to the book I was still holding but she did not respond right away. I could tell by the look in her face that she did not know where to even begin with my request. I really wanted to learn magic and I hoped she would be the one to teach me, I could not ask for a better teacher than her, and I knew she would really do a good job at it.
“Please, mom?” I asked again, giving her my best sweet look.
She could not say no to me, would she? She still hadn’t agreed and I wondered if she did not want me learning magic after all. Or perhaps, she just did not want to teach me?! That was a possibility, and I wasn’t going to entertain that option!
I felt like stomping my foot and pouting, looking at her with pleading eyes like normal child. How could she say no?!
“Please, please, please. I’ll be good I promise, and follow everything you say.”
“Luke-chan,” she sighed, looking like she really did not know what to say to me at that moment.
“You have to teach me please, you have to,” I cried out, giving her a sad puppy face.
She had always been too weak to say no to me when I pulled out that face. My eyes wide with innocence and my lower lip trembling a little as if I was about to cry. I definitely have talent to be an actor here! Oh, I derailed a bit.
Mom loved me too much to see me cry, and I could tell she was already caving in by the softening of her eyes. Maybe she would agree to teach me after all, I thought hopefully.
“Luke-chan, sweetie, it is not that I don’t want to teach you,” She said softly.
I smiled with excitement, “So you will teach me?!”
She looked lost and hesitant to answer me, and it made me wonder what else it could be. Maybe I was still too young to learn magic? Was that it? Yes, that was probably what she was trying to say. My hope did not disappear.
“I want to teach you,” she started, building my hopes up again, before confusing me with her next statement. “But I cannot.”
My shoulders drooped, “But you just said…”
She shook her head slightly and tried to explain, “I didn’t I say I don’t want to but… I just I couldn’t teach you.”
“Why?” I put sulking kid face.
Mom smiled sadly, “Because you do not have mana, and there is no way for you to learn magic without it.”
I was shocked! This is not like what she said before! She said I can learn magic! As if remembering what she said once, she gave me the answer.
“Honey, it’s just few months ago that I realized you doesn’t have a mana….”
I felt my dreams being crushed before me and I really did not know what to say. What did one say when they were told that the one thing they wanted so badly to become was impossible? Like they were not good enough and could never accomplish it. Really, what could I say to that?!
She had just said I could not learn magic, it was really as bad as it sounded!! Nothing could make me feel better right now.
I really felt discouraged. I could not learn magic? So my excitement had been for nothing? Because I did not have nave mana, did it mean this was where my dream ended? I could not ever be a wizard like I wanted?! What did it all even mean? And wasn’t there any other way?
To be frank, I really want to throwing tantrum here but what I could say? Even I actually did it. Mana won’t pop out inside of me, right? And it would make my mother sad.
A thousand thoughts and questions jostled through my brain and I dint know the answers to any of them. I was just lost in my own head, seeking answers too.
It wasn’t fair, I thought, why me? What was it that when I had decided to want something, it was unreachable and unavailable to me? A goal I could never fulfill? What would I do now, what could I do in my future?
“Oh Luke-chan,” my mom sighed, giving me a hug. “Don’t look so sad.”
Why could not I look sad when I had just learned that I could not get what I want?! My sadness was totally justified! But I was making her sad too, I realized. Her face was filled with sadness because she could not give me what I wanted. And I knew deep down in my heart that she would give me the world if she could, and would always do everything in her power to make me happy.
Not being able to fulfill my dreams right now was making her sad too.
“It is not as bad as it sounds,” she said quickly, obviously trying to make sure I did not cry.
I looked at her, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You are a very smart boy, Luke-chan, and I know you understand what I am trying to say,” she said, making me look away to hide my inner sadness from her.
Did I understand what she was telling me, or trying to explain to me anyway? Did I really? I did not say anything however, and let her continue to explain. At that point I was really feeling like a child and felt like sulking for not getting my way.
She touched my cheeks and made me look at her. “No one really judges people by their mana anymore.”
I tried to understand what she was saying but decided to let her finish before I could jump to conclusions.
“You can be anything you want to be,” she explained.
What good was being able to do anything when I could not do what I really wanted to be?
“You can be like your father,” she said smiling, that smile could really cure anything.
“You can be a warrior, nothing could stop you,” she continued.
I supposed I could be, and my dad really was an awesome guy. Maybe she was right, and wasn’t it said that mothers knew best? I tried to picture myself as a warrior instead. Nope, I wasn’t convinced at all.
“You are very special, Luke-chan. You are my precious son! I’m sure you can surpass even your father!”
I frowned in confusion, what she meant by that?
“What do you mean?” I asked, and she just gave me a small smile.
“I think it is too early for you to learn that, but you will understand one day,” she said, instead of answering my question.
I opened my mouth to argue that I wanted to know now but she just smiled and shook her head at me as if I was a troublesome child. I supposed I was, anyway. So my mom patted my cheek lovingly and kissed my forehead. Her soft and warm lips made me feel all good inside. She pulled my cheeks sideways playfully to try and get me to smile, of which I obliged her. My mom really could be childish sometimes, but I loved her for it. So I gave her a smile, knowing she was doing what she could to try and make me feel better about the situation.
“Now, I think all this thinking and talking about what you want to be has made you hungry,” she said cheerfully.
My stomach growled in answer and I nodded. Whatever she was making really did smell nice and it was no use thinking and worrying about the future anymore right now. I could really use some of her amazing food.
“Yes,” I responded.
“Of course, you are a growing boy,” Marianne said, “So, let’s have lunch, yes?”
I nodded again, my mind trying to drift off to what she had been talking about. I put my book on the counter and watched her as she finished making lunch and set the table for us. My mind was still racing though and I couldn’t stop thinking about her statement and what she had said. I thought of asking again but I knew she would just change the topic again, I would not be able to persuade her to tell me what I wanted to know.
Which just left me with the questions in my mind. What did she mean by that? And would I ever really know? It was frustrating being a child sometimes, with people always keeping things from you to protect you. And my curious mind just wanted to know the answers! I tried to think of all the possible things she could have meant by that, but I couldn’t come up with anything.
This is sucks
Guess I would just have to wait and see.