Bonded Goddess – Chapter 37

When I opened my eyes, I was staring into a white ceiling, with a small chandelier, with pentagon shaped light bulbs.

…………..What the?!

A chandelier!? What the fuck? Where the fuck is this?!

The chandelier made me go wide awake, and I sat up. My body was not in pain any more. I looked around the room. The bars were transparent and glassy, though, all around was just white spaces. It was normal size room. Well, smaller than my room actually.

Is this prison?

What a drastic change from the sad and disgusting cell in the dungeon!

But how long I have been here? Judging from the amount of sunlight I can see through the window I’d reckon it’s somewhere around noon.  I guess it’s about 15 hours or so.

Ugh… my head is hurt… what happen before I lost my conscious…

Ah… I remember … Damn, it was such a shit thing to do, mocking the KING and declared that his wife was an object of MY lust… I wondered how the queen was doing after the revelation. In my rage, I had rushed to make the King all flustered again, without thinking of the consequences. I just hoped that it would not keep the Queen in an awkward position. I feel so bad now…

In any case, the last thing I heard was Elsha giving the command to keep me under maximum supervision. And was this that MAXIMUM supervision? Because, no matter how I looked around, through the glass, there is no breathing creature, not even a puny insect; just white walls outside the glass walls.

And this was the prison? A PRISON? Really? This room alone was better than my own house back in Japan. This room alone itself is the best place I have ever been in. I mean its look luxurious like five star hotel room that I stay once before!

Then, I felt a tug at my feet. I dreaded the feeling. It was like last time. The touch of metal on my ankles. Same as before, eh. But since I was restrained here, that’s meant that they were expecting me to behave well here. I guess should play along for now. Well, at least they didn’t chain my hands. You know I need take care of some stuff with my hands, right?

I realized my prison clothes had also been switched from the coarse rice bag material to… What was it called again? Yes, muslin! It had been changed into softer material, soft white linen. If this was what being in prison felt like, my life would be so much easier. Only, I was not so sure about the feeding process and whether I would be as well fed as I was well clothed.

I was done with looking around and feeling watched somehow. Once the initial splendour of things passed, it all became monotone and tasteless. I went back to the soft bed. Damn, this was getting too comfortable… imagine being unable to get out of bed just because of the extreme comfort of the bed.

“Wow, what a way to keep a prisoner!” I muttered.

I rested my head rested down the pillow, it snugly making me feel tucked. How comfortable!

As I felt good about things, a ridiculous thought ran through my head: I could actually enjoy my time there! Seriously, the room was clean and smelled of nice lilies and carnation! It was really giving me nice feeling!

The only problem and only thing left was forgetting Evelyn.

Seriously, I could enjoy stay here if I could forget Evelyn, Leonardo and ALL THE THINGS- that had happened so far, including the filthy prison, the Taebutopia Rey household, the competition I had participated in because the so called prison itself was damn dang likeable.

Yup, let’s forget about her!

Usually I’d pass this kind of free time down with some exercise but the pain caused by Leonardo that knocked me over still stung. That guy really know to hit.

……Alright, since I really have nothing to do and very bored! Let’s just ignore the pain and enjoy what I have here! Yup, I can use this to get myself forgot everything!

I stood then did a couple of sit-ups and push-ups and shadowboxed for about two hours. That alone can match up to a morning exercise already. But I had to keep my leg’s shackle on at all times so it made me hard for me to train.

As I keep exercising… I can’t help but remember….

Evelyn… Evelyn… Evelyn…

Fuck it. Damn. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I really couldn’t HELP thinking about her. I loved her, yes. But I hated how she handled things! What goes on inside of her head anyway?

It made me so damn mad just thinking about her. Of course, I don’t hate her after what she did… It was more like, displeasure that I felt. I just dislike how she always did thing to SAVE me from death, from disability, from wrath of her fiancée and her father on her own accord. That’s really pissed me off! It’s like she didn’t believe me at all.

Why did things end up that way? Even if she was NOT engaged to Leonardo, there were still several issues between us that would have made us argue, made her an object of my wrath and me, her object of her false sense of settlement and security. In the end, more than Leonardo and the royal family and the whole of Vaerian, what made a huge fissure between Evelyn and I was our personal issues: My trust and anger issues, and her impulse to lie and hide things from me… huh, we would have had a hard time either way…

But if she does love me, why did she have to hide something from me? If she had not hidden things from me, I would have been able to trust her fully, and genuinely. Why did she have to lie about a bond that involved me as much as it involved her? And most of all… why did she wound me and my injured pride this way? Was it not the highest form of disrespecting me?

With all these issue we already had, would it be possible to heal with her with me. Because broken and broken will never heal each other, we would just be in each other’s way, and tear one another more.

Why was I still suffering so much for her? Why did I think she was worth the pain? All she did just sitting comfortably in that mansion while I desperately looking for her. I kill for her, I torture for her, I enduring pain for her! I force myself to keep fighting just for her! Yet… she…

‘I will marry you, Leonardo! If you spare Kyousuke!’

Fucking bitch, as if I had gone to this world again to see her getting married to other man! What? Should I also walk her down the aisle? HA! Also, is she forgotten that killing me would mean killing her as well? No, there is high possibility that part also one of her lies… I don’t know what’s right or wrong right now… I don’t even know whether I can trust her words…

Argh, and on top of that I get so damn mad every time I think about it. Right now I’m so mad that I want to choke her to death with my hands. Not the kinky way but the grotesque way. Though I would probably regret it later… but I had these urges…Aside from just lustful fucking, there were times I wanted to make her feel my anger, because she had grieved me so much. What she did was unforgiveable… yes, all of this, ALL of these fucking things are all chain reactions to her fault.

….I should stop this negative thought of mine before it actually affects me…

I stared at my ankle again. The chain around my ankle in such a sleek and sly manner, it was a provoking thought. But damn, being kept like an animal was bad enough… or so I thought. I mean, it was more comfortable than not, and the only thing that was troubling me was probably my mind.

And then I suddenly heard light footsteps from the corner and shadows lying in the open. It was light footsteps but it echoed through the room.

It seems I got visitor. I wonder who…. Was it Leonardo?

I wanted to get agitated and then maybe we could spar with our words. At the end of the day, he may be stronger in terms of magic and fighting skill. But, by words, I could bet my left arm that I would win in a war of words.

Hmm? That’s weird, I really wanted to get agitated and provoke the bastard. But I felt calmer than I wanted to feel.

The footsteps are getting louder with each thump. And as the footsteps stopped, I saw the girl long wavy silver hair standing across the transparent bars with grin, I quickly recognized her…


“Ara, you seems know to keep yourself occupied, Kyousuke.” She said with her trademark smirk.

I wish I could say I am surprised… but that would be lie. I mean, she’s being here wasn’t unexpected and surprising.

I definitely NOT surprised to see her in the prison so soon at all… ah, it may have something to do with the very first time I was in the dungeon and she came and basically substituted me with her own special punching bag for fun! How did I even survive that? It all felt like ages ago, when it was just about a month.

Emilia stood tall with her hands on her tiny hips in a condescending manner as if she was trying to intimidate me. As if I will be intimidated! It was very bold of her to assume that I will be scared of her just because I lose once!

“Enjoying your time, Kyousuke?”

I said nothing and could not help myself glaring at her in hostility, no doubt.

To be honest, I really don’t want to see her … no, that’s wrong… I really don’t want to see any Evelyn like face right now. Emilia was too similar to her sister, Evelyn… it was an unnerving thing to see her face; god, and I just did NOT want to see her face or be reminded of her… I wanted my mind to be at rest. And rest means NO thought about the things going on and especially about Evelyn.

Just the fact that she looked similar made me glare at her like a voodoo doll. I was in no condition to meet Evelyn yet, and what was I doing even?

Her face was turned up with haughtiness and her usual pride, for some reason… it was sickening to see such expression.

Emilia was still unaffected by my dark glare or my silence. I was usually reactive to her, but her similarity to Evelyn stopped me from giving her the pleasure of sparring with provocative words. She pulled out a white chair out of nowhere, sat down then cross her legs.

“Why the long face?” Emilia said, folding her arms across her chest.

I didn’t say a thing, but looked on, as if in a trance. But I was not in a trance. I could not think a thing, I tried to think my senses into working again, but I was just blank.

“Ah, if it isn’t you Emilia; fancy seeing you here,” I said with a smirk, “And I thought some hero would be visiting me… But I don’t expect a little girl…”

“Excuse me? Who are you calling a little girl?”

Well, calling her little girl is wrong though. She looked like 13 years…. And With two fully ripe melons… Damn, she was getting too sensitive. And here I thought she was the uncaring type. Tsk. What a tsundere. She would make a great yandere, only she did not seem to be obsessed with anyone. Heck, she was just a normal psychopath.

….What the hell am I talking about?

“Why were you sulking like a brat, Kyousuke?” She said, in mocking tune.

I got up and went to MY soft bed then smirked. I HAD to smirk. It was a trademark for provoking people.

“No that is not the question you ought to be asking,” I snorted with a new round of sadism, “The question here is what is the real brat also known as Emilia Rateliwyra Axenderite Fei Vaerian doing here?”

Hah! How in the hell did I even remember her FULL name again?

She raised her eyebrow, and then almost laughed. I say almost. ALMOST because when I thought she would burst out laughing, her face grew into a weird mixture of frowning and laughing making a total face of a devil.

Emilia sighed, “I am here to tell you something important.”

“Oh, something important?” I said with sarcasm, “What could be something so important that you had to tell me yourself?

“My sister’s wedding preparations is going on, it is very grand, luxurious and pompous,” she began in a serious tone, “And the wedding day itself is the day after tomorrow. It will definitely a very big wedding. The feast will be great too, the king has seen to the preparations himself, and he have put a lot of effort, so it will be the most luxurious wedding of Vaerian for years, I am certain.”

“Okay…” I said, acting uninterested, “So this is the important thing you NEEDED to tell me? What? You think I will be burning with rage and that my anger will be to your amusement?”

That’s lie… I really impressed that I actually managed to control my anger right now and lashed out…Well, just barely… Seriously, just hearing that the wedding would very grand already pissed me so bad! But I have to hold it…

“That’s not it,” she said with a simple head tilt. That was definitely a habit she had taken from her sisters.

“Then what?” I said with a sarcastic tone, but my face was serious as heck, “Oh, I almost forgot my civility! Congratulations to your sister, Evelyn and the hero, Leonardo! And to you too, Emilia! For having the most wonderful brother-in-law! He will DEFINITELY treat you to good sweets and candies!”

Emilia gave a worried look and sighed. What?! Worried? Yes, she actually put a WORRIED look! Which is very unexpected. That was uncalled for and made me stop in my tracts for a while.

“Tell me something, Kyousuke… Are you okay with this?” She said, waiting to devour me whole. She had resting her sapphire eyes on me.

At this point, I don’t care about holding my anger anymore….

“Am I okay with what?” I said, faking surprise. I was so ready to be all sarcastic, I actually started off as a calm man. “This? You mean the grand and royal wedding and all that shit? What does it matter? Why does it matter? What the fuck does it have to do with ME? Who the fuck give a damn about what I think? And why should they even give a damn? It is not like anyone would wait for my approval, she’s not my daughter.”

My voice was booming loud like a juke box by then. It didn’t matter that the room was NOT sound proof. Besides, it was not like I was going berserk, though I went extremely close to going berserk. I would have gone berserk, if I were not chained like a pitiful animal. And I would – COULD- not be violent with Emilia, she was strong enough to beat me to a pulp of wet paper anyway.

“Kyousuke…” she just said in a low tone.

“Tell me, Emilia, what choice do I even have? Your sister chose to get married to Leonardo! She picked HIM! Right in front of me, too!” I yelled, and then my voice was a roller coaster of pitches, “And what could I possibly do while I am stuck rotting in a prison?”

“Kyousuke , you know why she agreed to get married, right?” She looked slightly offended.

“Of course I do! Do you take me for an idiot?” I growled.

“Yes, I do.”

“Tsk! She got married to ‘spare’ me… but guess what? I hate her guts to do that. I HATE how she does things on her own terms… She goes on does things like that for MY benefit, but I DON’T want nor do I NEED her to do that. Who does she think I AM? Do need her pity? That’s absurd,” I scoffed, “Besides, when you get the hell out of this PRISON, Tell your sister that I congratulated her! Also tell her that she can be happy all she wants with Leonardo and his pretty face, and tell her to forget me! As I rot in this accursed dungeon!”

“This is hardly a dungeon though…” Emilia sighed as she softly retorted.

Just remembering about her getting married by HER choice enough for me to mad… ah, damn, it was all a circle. I wanted to be alive to take her with me. But Leonardo going to marrying her soon… Ah, that bastard, he make me want to punch him much more. But it was Evelyn’s fault for making such deals with them. Did I force her to? No. Did they force her to? No. Besides, they would never have killed me, could never have killed me as long as they wanted her to remain alive.

Frustration welled up inside my chest as I clenched my fists bitterly. I didn’t want it to end like this….

Damn it…I couldn’t hold on any longer. The pain was way beyond anything I could endure. I felt nothing but regret, pain and fury, anger that my life would end in such a stupid, unfair manner!

“Hah,” I said, “You know what? Evelyn is really, really just being a real fucking woman! She was just after men and me, and my dick from the beginning…. such an easy woman, I can’t believe that I fell for her! Argh, you know what, she’s not really an airhead! She puts on this act of not understanding situations and keeping things to herself, but in reality, that is the entire act to pretend to be innocent, because men get turned on easily that way! She’s a fucking silent killer, that bitch…”

…. I know I will regret this later….I mean, saying cruel thing about Evelyn enough to sting me….

I was on the verge of tears, both from anger and frustration – but mixed into the tempest of emotions were feelings of bitter disappointment. I wasn’t just furious at Evelyn, but also at myself. I had deluded myself into thinking everything would be all right if I could just plan accordingly. I hadn’t bothered thinking about the other possibilities… Like a scenario where I’m not able to going to home or where I was being defeated….

Right now I was playing the victim, but that was fine. This was my problem, one that was filled with nothing but rage and hatred. In fact, I was glad there was anybody else here to witness my pathetic self. Unlike Emilia, who definitely would laugh at me… They would be afraid, disgusted, disappointed or angry. Negative emotions that I couldn’t deal with right now…..

As I lashed my emotion out, I noticed changed on Emilia’s face. She sported a sad and complicated face. Her face was genuinely conflicted, and rather… sad. Sad? Funny, huh? First, worry, and now sad? What was going on? It was driving me insane.  But it was also such a shocker that it made me drop my hateful speech half way, and then I stopped, because I lost the momentum with the flow of my curses.

It was a weird feeling, but it made me feel angry and a slight feeling of betrayal… I mean, she was with Evelyn, right? No one was on my side, I mean, no one could possibly be with me.

“And why you suddenly feel silent, PRINCESS?” I snarled with a contempt I felt with its full force, “Are you perhaps showing a weakness for your sister? And I thought you didn’t care much about such weakness!”

She didn’t respond… for a while, at least. She seemed to be thinking things through.  She passed me a slight passing glance that was TOTALLY judgemental. Her face returned to being blank and inexpressive, and thoughtful again.

“I see…He is….” Emilia nodded then muttered to herself, though I heard her clear and loud. “After hearing what he said, it is obvious he isn’t in love nor does he love her… but then again, they are in this tight spot because Evelyn nee-sama hid important things from Kyousuke… Kyousuke is not much at fault, though he has his issues that make me doubt many things about him…. Things might have been different if she didn’t hide anything, eh? Then I am here, thinking that he loved her like crazy… ah damn… it’s also my fault for not seeing it the first time, what a crazy business to deal with… what a pain in the ass…”

“Why are you mumbling to yourself…?”

Then Emilia put expression that i thought she doesn’t have….

Expression of pitying someone… SHE smiled a PITIABLE SMILE! Insane right? That was the last thing I wanted or needed to see, and that too from a sixteen year old girl who looked more like thirteen! Ah, What a day for a Forty two year old man. Damn, that hit me so hard, I wanted to Dunk slam her.

That annoyed me, to no ends. Really annoyed me. I had never felt so FRESHLY annoyed in such a long time. And it had to be Evelyn’s look alike.

“You know what, Kyousuke?” she said, the annoying pity smile still pasted onto her smug face. Of all the faces she had shown me that day, that was my least favourite. I wanted to see her scared. Damn, I would rip her flesh into shreds… that was the level of annoyance I felt.

“What!?” I growled.

Emilia wasn’t fazed by my anger at all. I calmed down a bit and glared at her, but I was reasonable enough to listen.

“You… you are just a pathetic grown man,” she said, with a shake of her head, her face giving me a tired adult look, “Who happens to be like a child throwing tantrums. You obviously have issues you should have solved before even thinking of committing to my sister…. You are just so pathetic, you throw tantrums when you don’t get what you want… people have to babysit you, give you a sugar cube or a candy to pacify you… you are a pain in the ass for anyone.”

I was surprised that she had to word things that way.

But I just scoffed and grunted out a weak, “So… what…?”

“Well, I believe you should listen to me right now.” She said with no particularly outstanding emotion, “YOU don’t love my sister. You have never been in love with her. It took me quite a time to realise that, but I am positive that you DON’T love her.”


That’s absurd!

“NO!” I protested in that instant. “There is no way!!”

“Don’t try to fool me, old man” Emilia smirked, “I have read all the signs and clues given from what you said and did… you don’t love her. You think you love her, but in truth, you only see her as an object of your sexual pleasure. You just have incredibly strong sexual feeling toward her, Kyousuke… and you have mistaken that for love. You are just a sorry piece of shit.”


I unable to say anything…



I believe I love Evelyn. I still do. I am not that much of a jerk or a pervert to only fool myself into loving her, when all I ever did was deeply sexualise her. No, I did enjoy the make out sessions and fucking we were indulged in. But that was monstrosity to believe that all I saw her was as a sex doll or a toy. No, that was too much even for an addict like me.

No, I love her. I was certain that I loved her!

True, we had our differences, and our issues. I do agree with Emilia that I should have resolved these trust issues with a real professional therapist or if needed, even a psychiatrist, before actually committing into a possible future with Evelyn, but that does not mean that I can just decide to un- love her.

But… why the fuck that I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself in it? Because it’s true?

Sure, I had always been questioning things in my head but at the bottom of it, I was not ready to acknowledge it yet, “I” love Evelyn… why else would I be here, having suffered all those misery and hardship for her?”

Gritting my teeth, I glared at Emilia.

“How could you just say that when we have talked just twice and met at least, thrice?”

There was no fucking way I was going to sit quiet with her provoking me that way. It was the ultimate provocation: telling me that all my efforts was all for naught and not for love. For fuck’s sake, couldn’t she have kept it to herself? She was already sixteen, she was old enough to know how to behave in front of guests… wait- hah, I almost forgot I was a prisoner in a PRISON.

“You don’t seem to be a very good judge of character… You don’t even know yourself… let me tell you something, Kyousuke. In the art of torturing a person, you don’t just beat them up and make them feel thing on their physical body, no;” She said in a way that made her eyes sparkle with an overload of love, “You don’t destroy the flesh alone. That would be a child’s play. In the beautiful art of torture, you destroy them… piece by piece. You destroy their minds first, make them feel things beyond the physical… you read them, their faces, their speech, their expressions and features as they are interrogated. And then you draw out their vulnerabilities and weaknesses and use it against them… taunt them, haunt them, replaced their nightmares with your shadows. Well, that’s not really good analogy but you understand this much, right?”

Since I know what she is trying to say… Taking a deep breath, I forced the anger back under control even as I stared evenly at Emilia.

“I am very well trained in the art of torturing,” she said, with pride in her voice as she placed a hand on her chest, “I studied about the various methods of torture, practicing them and seeing which suits my interests best… And, I have learnt the art of reading people, reading their minds, reading them. Usually, it takes one meeting to deduce the most important things, but I was too careless with you and this time I can see right through you, bastard. You are only in love with my sister’s face and body, not her.”

I uttered exactly zero words.

I wanted to rebuke her but… I can’t say anything…

“But it’s okay, Kyousuke, it really is,” She continued in a calm voice, “I can understand where that comes from….”

“HA!?” I snarled at her, “What the fuck do you know about me?”

“I don’t know a single thing, in all honesty,” She shrugged in nonchalance, and continued with the same fervour, “However, I do understand you and your personality. You know the kind of person you really happen to be.”

The kind of person I really happened to be… Is she an Esper? Probably… there was no reason for her to lie, and she didn’t seem to be lying about things, but it was hard to take her word for it. It was always hard to trust people who have made you feel pain.

I raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She didn’t flinch or felt any intimidation, or so it looked. She continued, “You… Kyousuke, you are a man who loves OR loved everything around you. You had everything you thought was necessary for a sense of happiness because you laid your sense of security upon that happiness…,” and then her face frowned. My chest tightened. “But it was NOT permanent, all that love and that fleeting sense of security you had built up… You lost it all in one go, am I right?”

There was no way I was willing to ADMIT that she was right, because that would mean that I was a sore loser, easy to be seen through. But darn it, there was no way I COULD NOT admit she was right, because there were elements of truth in what she said, even though I was yet to actually really make sure it was all truth. People tend to know more things about you than you know about yourself. There are people who can read off so much more information that you are willing to let them know.

“Are you listening?” She continued, when I was entering higher realms of thoughts.

“In any case, I can say that there is only one factor for all your grievances; well… that is what you assume, anyway. And the factor for what you think is your loss and misery is woman. You blame women, all women, actually… for the loss you incurred. And now you are bitter and hostile about it, making you very unable to move on… you’re a sad case, and NO, it’s not my pity, nor my empathy, but just plain feelings in its rawest and truest form.”

First, ahahaha… she knew me well enough to know that I would immediately think that she was pitying me or sympathising with me. Now, that is exactly how you pacify a man’s quickly hurt pride.

Second, I was shocked. I was SHOCKED! I was STARTLED! How the fuck did she knew all that? Was she really that good with reading a person, or was I a fucking man, so easy to be seen through? OR, an even plausible argument would be: She had already known about this, and was just pretending to be reading him… putting up a damn circus to convince me of her superior abilities.

That was most likely it.

And, that was what I believed, or chose to believe, for a while at least. It was easy to believe things that were in your favour or thing you thought were favourable.

This is such a fucking piece of bull shit, it makes me feel as if all my internal and vital organs would explode and I would throw up little bits and pieces of my organs. I know, I know… my imaginations are often way too wild and not very likely to ever come to pass, but it’s not like I could control them, eh?

IT IS A BLUFF! That repeated in my head, she had probably heard it from Evelyn as they were in the palace together for some time, together. Either that, or she had overheard Evelyn talking to someone- anyone, really… and she thought that the information she got was too good to be left all alone, so there she came, into the so called prison, to execute her devious plans. Yes, that was definitely it!

“But-” I began. I needed to tell her that I had figured out that it was just a bluff. No, that was a freakin’ lie. The truth was, I WANTED to tell Emilia that her plan was outdone by me. It would have given me a really good boost to my pride and self-image.

“Oh, just for your information, I did not exchange a single word with Evelyn nee-sama ever since you were in prison. Forget talking, or even greeting… I didn’t even meet her, it is not possible for me to have known that… that way,” she said with a smile.

The smile was not a pitiful or sweet or sarcastic smile. It was not under a category. It was… how do I say it? It was like smile of mother show to children when the child in question asks way too many questions, and the adult is stressed out, dealing with his own existential crisis… So I will just smile and pretend I didn’t see or hear you. But, either way, in any case… she seemed sincere. The royal family totally had issues, I could tell… there was lack of communication and most importantly, they lacked unity, hmm, almost like my own family.

“So tell me, Emilia,” I said, getting hold of my thoughts and mind, “What is the real reason you are here…”

“Now, you’re curious? You should know, why I am here,” she said with an innocent face. It was a fake ass bitchy face though. It was funny how a face can either look so fucking innocent, you feel bad for even thinking anything slightly dirty in their presence, OR, it looks like the phoniest and bitchiest face you have ever seen. It’s either of those, nothing in between. And I didn’t know which one she was bordering.

“Don’t give me that shit! There is no way for you being here just to tell me that…” I rolled my eyes, “I may not be a good reader of personality like you, but I can tell that you’re not the kind of person to just stop by a prison to tell me about the wedding plans and preparations.”

“Wow,” she said, pretending to be surprised, “Bingo~ Do you want a prize?”

“Whatever,” I said, folding my arms, “Do away with what you are here for already. Or you’re free to leave… I can’t stand another bout of your presence.”

“Oh? Really?” her face darkened, as her smile curled up into a cruel and irritated smile, as she seemed pumped up to do me some good punches and kicks… and not limited to that. She seemed ready to cut me up into small pieces and feed those pieces to her pets. She was a little crazy, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, in that kind of mad house, even I would be like her. It was funny how only and I say, ONLY Evelyn turned out the closest to a normal person. But then again, they were NOT humans so, maybe it was something unique to their race?

“Oh, forgive my insolence, your highness!” I said, offering the in- sincerest of apologies I had ever heard, “I was out of line with the piece of FACT that I sprouted in a calm and collected manner! Are you telling me why you’re here, princess?”

I said, the first half sincerely, and the other half in a way to tease her.

She scoffed out, “Well, since you seems not interested nor don’t want to have ANYTHING to do with Evelyn nee-sama, then you can forget it. Besides, this concerns her more than it does you. Your volleys of abuses and accusations were more than enough to tell me that you are officially INELIGIBLE to know about it!”

“Whoa… whoa~ Hold on!” I said, getting all interested, alarmed and threatened all in one go, “What does this have to do with official matters?”

Emilia smirked, “For me official means, anything I, Emilia, decide. Get that? In any relationship, if I am there… I am the law. I am the rules, and what I say is what law becomes.”

“Oh… okay,” I said, the threat, alertness and interest diminishing.

I thought that it had something to do with me and my official case with the royal family and the Vaerian court. Like, they would summon be back into that throne room and would decide to tear my limbs apart. it only turned out to be a product of Emilia’s narcissism and her NEED to be dominant in all the relationships she had ever indulged in. What a typical sadist~

“Get a grip on yourself and stop wallowing in self-pity!”

Erm, I wasn’t wallowing in self-pity…okay, perhaps I was.

“Now tell me, Kyousuke.”

I looked at her. Her face was serious. Like, really serious… she was showing me so many different face in one day, it felt like an album of expressions.

“Do you think you can live without Evelyn nee-sama?”

Well, that came out of nowhere. But her question curled out her lips like grenades. She had just accused me of NOT loving her… and I was not sure how I was supposed to answer that.

But that made me think. I thought a lot about that. Could I live without Evelyn? I probably would be able to, because I had went through forty two years without Evelyn… and that was a lot of years compared to the few weeks I had spent with Evelyn.

Of course, I was still very upset over what Evelyn did. Why did she do that? I never expected Evelyn of all people, to actually make me feel so disrespected in THAT way… it was not her fault really nor my fault. It was probably not in her intention, but I was hurt nevertheless. The more I thought of it, the more I detested her actions.

She lied to me. LIED! What about the cheesy quotes of relationship based on the foundations of honesty. It was exactly this. THIS! The lack of transparency that made Yuriko cheat on me. Ugh. Now why THAT bitch? She had a fucking maddening way of intruding my thoughts. GO AWAY BITCH! THIS thought session is dedicated to EVELYN alone! BITCH!

Anyway, I was mad as fuck. I was not sure if I was even in LOVE with her, just as Emilia said. What she had assessed was more right than wrong.  And then it hit me like a truck, the realisation. Yeah, it was the realisation about Emilia’s assessment and my own thoughts and events that had happened, that hit me.

I was NOT in exactly in love with Evelyn. But I as sure as hell was dependant on her for the most parts of our time together. She was there for me when I needed another person to lean on. She loved me, fed me and always comforted me. And I? What did I do for her? I said I loved her, but did I really? As such, she became a pillar for me to lean on, the central figure for the recent developments in my life… it was like she built me from the destruction. And more than a lover, I was a mortal indebted to her. She was more of a goddess than a lover to me.

And Emilia was correct again. Because, when I first saw Evelyn, I was instantly attracted to her body. I mean, aside from the fact that she had a super beautiful face, her body was no joke. She could outdo any person from earth.

She was indeed an object of lust to me. I mean, just think about it. The first time we had sex, she was unsure of it, and I pushed her to have sex with me, even though I didn’t know a single thing about the bond. I had used that fucking bond to penetrate her virginity. And it didn’t stop there. After that we had sex like maniacs. Several times within an hour, even during showers, when she cooked for us, and even right after waking up. All we did for about three weeks was fuck. That was it. But did it ever occur to me that I loved her? I was sure  I loved her body, I worshipped her body. I was sure as hell that I liked her, she was compatible to me, and particularly after the bond and life link, our orgasms synchronised as well, making every make out and fuck session unimaginably pleasurable. And I had mistaken this for love, ah, what a joke I turned out to be!

Because, I didn’t love her the right way. I did consider her feelings, but that was due to the fact that altruism has been scientifically proven to be intrinsic to human nature. True, I felt guilty when I discovered that I had actually fucked her mother and not her; and when I woke up naked in Marie’s room, having been fucked by her … it was more like non-consensual exchange of fluids, and was basically rape… but who would believe me, heh? Yes, I felt guilty. But never once did I feel regret. It was unfortunate, those events were really unfortunate, but I didn’t feel any regret that they happened. It wasn’t so bad, fucking her mother. She was as hot as her anyway, was what I thought when I discovered that she was not Evelyn. Damn… I was pretty screwed. I needed to tell Evelyn that I was sorry about how things turned out and because I had never reciprocated the love she had offered me through my hard times. She had been a blessing to me.

What a fucked up soul I happened to be! And not just the normal kind of fucked up, it was a fact that I was broken. I was like a non-functioning toy, to be discarded after breaking… making me more trouble than my worth.

It was such a sad thought, it made my chest feel heavier. Heaving out loud, I began laughing. I roared with laughter, it was not funny, no, but I was too wrapped up with the sadness, options, that I laughed out loud and quite hard. There was not an inch to be laughing about but I did laugh.

My tears fell from the corners of my eyes from laughing too hard. The tears tasted so bitter now, so filled with resentment and anger at myself. It was a funny thing for me though. Because I was a fool, working all the way up to see that the peak was nothing but the place from where you back again. What was the point of all those struggles that I had undergone to retrieve Evelyn? Why did I do it? Was it because I was too selfish to let the pillar of my life go away? We fought so much, Evelyn and I… with the people around us, with each other; we argued and we blamed each other, making things toxic… and yet, when the realisation hit me, I had never appreciated her more. I was grateful for all the things she did for me. And that was funny to me. I was a bitch on my own right, aha, never sounded more true, eh?

“Can you live without my sister, Evelyn nee-sama?” Emilia asked again.

Her face was endearing to me now. Not because she looked like Evelyn on several accounts. Wait, maybe a little because she looked like Evelyn. But mostly because it was a face that understood me better than I could understand myself. And if it were NOT for her, there was a possibility that I would still think that I was madly in love with Evelyn.

I attempted to chuckle but failed miserably, making me look a lot more lame than I already looked. My face probably showed her how I really felt. There was no point in hiding anything anymore.

I wanted to tell her something, tell her anything; I wanted to speak to her, to take her help to figure out things between Evelyn and I, I needed her to tell me that things would work out, or that she would help me with it. But if she said anything about that, it could make me depended on her instead and that is the worst thing that could happen. Not that I would ever or could ever actually fall for her. Just taking precautions. But I didn’t say anything. Anything I say was going to be futile.

Besides, I was in no mood or feel to pretend that I had it all together. And I was certainly NOT interested to pull this case any longer than it should be.

I didn’t know the answer to her question. Could I live without her sister? Physically I definitely could! But emotionally? I didn’t know. But I would love to meet Evelyn again, no; it was NOT something I could choose, it was something that NEEDED to be done. Because when I meet her, I would be able to see what I actually felt for her.

Emilia surveyed me briefly, and then grinned seeing the determination in my eyes. It had hints of sarcasm, but mostly support. I nodded to her, and she knew it. I was determined to get it all sorted out, no matter how many tries it took me.

“Well, well, well,” she said, standing up, a hand on her wait, and the other holding her sword. She held her sword like Leonardo and Elsha. It must be a style in their world, and probably a royal one too. Because, damn… the style looked so elegant. Evelyn held it too, when she pointed her sword on me when we first met.

“What are you doing? Are you going to cut off my neck or something?” I joking said as I leaning back coolly. It felt so much better, to make things get off the head.

She didn’t reply with words, but smiled at the glassed bars around.

Emilia giggled and then made one quick three sixty degrees slash all around her. It was so fast that I immediately knew I would have been cut into piece if I had standing there. The sound of glass shattering resounded through the room.

Stepping on the glass, she walked over to me, and raised her hand up high with a cruel smile. I felt a tightening on my upper body. I was bursting with enthusiasm.

Down the sword came, cutting the manacles of my feet nice and firm.

“Thanks,” I said with a smile.

She didn’t look bothered by it, neither pleased, nor displeased. And she said nothing to respond to my thanks. Not that I minded, she was just like that. BUT REALLY THOUGH! The King and Queen don’t really teach manners to kids these days! I don’t mind, but parents should be more careful to teach proper courtesy…

“Now, Kyousuke.” she said with an excited face and glanced back at me, as she sheathed her sword in a silver scabbard with green gems, “Do you want to be strong enough to face Leo nii-sama? Even if it would cost your sanity?”

Is that even question? Right now, I completely doesn’t care what method I need to use… Also, I believe I am already crazy enough already… So, losing my sanity is cheap price to.

“Of course,” I said without hesitation, “why would I NOT want to be strong enough to beat him in a fight? And yeah, even if I have to pay for my sanity… it’s not like I am any sane now, right?”

“Then we can fix that, not the sanity, I like you not very sane just fine…  but I mean the part where you’re still a weakling; now, all that is necessary is for us to make you stronger,” she said, a thoughtful hand on her chin, “And guess what, I have just the thing that very perfect for you, you weak and almost pathetic rebel!”

And then she roared in one of those egoistical and maniac sort of laughter so very characteristics of her. She was almost like Sera, their difference lied mainly on the fact that it was very easy to make Sera flustered, aside from her own weaker self.

“Is this another of your games?” I asked her, feeling quite excited myself. It would no doubt have some risk of bleeding, losing a limb or losing my head. Either way, when the risks are high, the game just gets better.

She gave a bright and happy nod, “Yes it IS. And it is a glorious game too!”

“Bring it on then!”

“Behold, the mind breaking potion!” She said, hand raised up high, two vials between her fingers, one between the middle and index fingers and the other one between the middle and the ring finger, containing greed and red liquid respectively! I know those! If I remember correctly, the green one supposed to be healing potion… while the red…. The first time Emilia had ‘interrogated’ me… ah darn, of course… how could I ever forget the pain I suffered?

“Do you remember these?” Emilia smiling like sales woman who advertising her medicines on a home shopping channel.

“Did you ever really expect me to forget those?”

“No, that was a rhetorical question. You’re getting them into your system even if you did forget them… they don’t mind being forgotten, though; they will not hold a grudge against you, they’re quite nice.”

Wait! Hold on a fucking second!

Did I hear her right? Did I?

MIND BREAKING potion?! What on- what? Fuck no! She must have mis- said something important. But then again, really? Who was I kidding? I was making a joke of myself by being surprised… Emilia was a sadist, I had known… so it was only natural for her to be this unnecessarily cruel. BUT really! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM ALL?! Mind breaking… huh… oh great, that was exactly why I felt like I was going to die ad all that scary shit. Scary? No, not scary, it was more of an annoying feeling that I was on the verge of death and not quite dead nor alive, somewhere in the middle. That was the scary part: the in between stage. Like, it would be so much better if someone just dies off or just lives off… the middle was not only scary but lukewarm; and lukewarm is terrible.

“But of course,” she said, eyes closed, and her index pointing up wards, “The effects of the potions are different to people from the other world, so I can’t give you my word for it. Though the pain and hurt from the effect of the potion is uniform… everyone who takes it will be in pain, but… BUT, it is different for different people.”

Seeing my surprised face, she smirked to her heart’s content, “Well, do you want to know a secret?”

“No thanks,” I said, I was not interested in holding the burden of knowing something I was not supposed to know.

“No, that’s not what you’re supposed to say, Kyousuke,” she said with a slight frown, “You’re supposed to excited, you know. Even squeal… to give the effects.”

After experience that potion myself, I hardly feel exited…

“You know the potions…” she said anyway, “Remember the first time you were summoned to the throne room? You suddenly became strong, correct? That was due to the potion I had given you.”

This was news to me. I was really taken by surprise, I couldn’t believe that a sadist like Emilia would give me! A potion that could make me stronger… back then… ah, darn, so many things occurred behind the curtains.

I should have known… there is no way, she would just give me that kind of potion to me without gaining something.

Seeing my darkening expression, Emilia continued.

“Well, I have researched all of these potions very carefully… and it’s safe to dring! That’s what I believe, and I can’t ensure that it really is safe or not though, particularly for someone from the other world. Apparently they give different effect to you, the otherwolder! That’s why I believe its save! ” She said with pride as she puffed her chest, “Well, the pain… when people take it, and the pain becomes unbearable… their faces… it is … just so… pleasing to the eyes ~ it is fun… to watch…”

Her face showed so much sensual pleasure, and her voice became breathier. Girl, you just let your true intention here…

Either way, I was so darned occupied with my thoughts. Like, really occupied with my thoughts. It was a huge blow to my mind. First, the realisation that I perhaps didn’t love Evelyn. Secondly, the fact that Emilia had never been an enemy. And whoever was not an enemy was an ally for me, at that time. I mean, just imagine, I was only able to fend off the knights and survive the spell by the king only because she had provoked me into that stupid challenge of drinking the potion. Of course the pain was inhumane and I would rather not to going through that again, but that is really beside the point. She had boosted me and my weak strength to make me durable enough not to break under her father. Ah great… So it was all her.

It felt weird to know that she had always been on my side. Wait, that felt wrong. Because she was NOT exactly on my side. But she certainly was not on their side, which makes things so much easier and better for me.

I could have never imagined that Emilia; this Emilia would be the one to help me… Out of all the people, her? It was more believable for others like Sera or Fianna to help me, not HER! But who’s complaining? I need all the support I can have. it was just a little bit of a shocker for me that she would be willing to help me out.

“So, are you up to that challenge?” she said, her mouth twisted in a crooked grin, “You will feel that same kind of pain again, and just as before, you will get the huge boost of power again. But are you willing to suffer that much pain?”

“What other choices do I have?” I said, “Of course, I am willing. In fact, I am hyped.”

“The potion’s effect of is one-time use…. But how long it will affect you… It’s unknown. So far as I can see, you still same as before”

“I see…”

“Are you still willing?” she said.

“Is that an insult, heh, kid? Give that vial to me right now before I smash your skull on the ground!” I said in a deep tone, feeling like one of those kids who would fight after school. Darn, a bully. Yes, I felt like a regional bully.

“Yes, I was hoping for this!” she said, and then did the unthinkable!

She took both the vials, and began drinking the potion. Both the red and green ones together. No, not drinking, but she didn’t swallow.

And then the even more unthinkable happened. She held my stinging cheek in both her hands and brought my face to hers and smashed my lips into hers. It didn’t feel like a kiss. And when I say a kiss, I mean the soft sweet and innocent first kisses kind of kiss… not this direct Frenching. With lips crashing, I was shocked, but I didn’t even try to move away. It was her idea. And, she’s lega- leg- le-… oh shit…

She didn’t let go off my face though… the police would understand, that if this was a case of sexual assault, I was the Victim!

As I was contemplating how I could explain myself to the police, I felt the potions entering my mouth, and along with it, Emilia’s tongue..

I swallowed the potion first, and yet it didn’t go all in all at once. My tongue tried to push her away from MY domain, but her tongue resisted, and then a small fight ensued between our tongues. With biting, sucking and twining together, it was not a very bad feeling. The last bit of the potion went down my throat.

“Haah… that was something…” she said, releasing my face. As I looked at her with surprise, she just gave a smile. The smile said nothing, just a smile.

“What was that for?” I said, not trying to sound rude or offensive. But I was confused as fuck. And I couldn’t even pretend to hate that kiss, because damn, I hadn’t had my sexual needs fulfilled in a long time, not that I was turned on during those days of suffering. I mean, it was hard to think about sexual needs when you’re tortured.

“What? You didn’t like it?” she said, with a sly smirk, “I only helped you drink the potions.”

“Not that… it’s just…”

“Forget it,” she said with a nonchalant shrug. She didn’t look or sounded offended. And that was a relief. It was a pain to deal with women, particularly strong women. What if she beats me up? Hah! It may sound funny, but that’s because you’re not me. And you’re not here. And you don’t know Emilia.

“So anything change?” She glanced at me, “I mean, you not only drank the mind breaking potion but healing potion as well, right. I forgot there is possibility for you overdosed.”

How could you forget something important like that?! If you worry, why the hell you put those on my throat? If I die here because of overdoses, I’m going to hunt you!

“No, it should be me ask that question”.

“Tell me about it,” she said, with a crazy smile on her lips… ah, those pink lips I had just kissed. “Of course I am okay… I drink those potions daily… to keep me durable and able to bear the pain, besides… I don’t just randomly experiment on guinea pigs.”

She always drinks the potions? No, she must be joking…

Also, guinea Pigs, huh. Do they have those little pigs in here as well? Those pigs are so fucking expensive; they would cost more than the watch I was gifted on one of the anniversaries.

“Then?” I said, with a smirk of my own, “Do you like, drink it yourself and then wait for a while to see if it worked?”

“Yeah, how did you know?” she said, face plain.

“Excuse me?!” I cried out. What a definitely crazy girl! She really fucked up on the head!

She was crazy, like everyone else from her family. Heck it’s not just the royal family that was crazy. It was everyone in Vaerian. And especially those dumb followers and worshippers of the hero and demi god Leonardo, and basically everyone in the Taebutopia Rey household. But no one would beat Emilia in that crazy section. It almost felt as if she was impossible to kill, like, she just wouldn’t die… her will to live must be extremely strong, to be able to stay sane and alive with vials of those potions on a daily basis. She might even be numb to any pain now.

Wait, then does it mean that it was like a drug? People use drugs all the time to numb pain, to be stronger or hyper active… if it was that, it meant that I had just hooked up with a hot junkie!

Oh shit, it is happening.

My body began to feel pain creeping into me, underneath my skin. I felt needles, pricking me, felt hot fire underneath me, felt drops of acid burning away my skin. But when I looked at myself, I saw no cuts, or burns, or any kind of wounds. I was well and alive. It was beginning, a new session of fucking ordeal.

“I hope you survive this,” Emilia said, with a playful smile.

Damn her. I wanted to yell out, but I felt razor in my throat, making me gag, and feel like I bled to death.

The ordeal was real.

As the pain began to spread all over my body, I felt I was ready to die again. But NO! I am not going to die. I didn’t come all the way to this juncture to die! At least, if I died, it would be in a duel with Leonardo, in a respectable fashion. But Definitely NOT this way. This was the most cowardly was to die: being consumed by the overwhelming pain in the search for more power to beat a hero! Besides, even Emilia could stand it, could become stronger from it, so why NOT me? I was a man, more of a man than her! I WILL NOT DIE!

As the pain went on, it elevated into even more pain. From the normally describable pain, no matter how bad it was, it went to the NEXT LEVEL! YES, THE NEXT LEVEL! Yes, from HELP ME I’M FUCKED! it went to FUCKERS! FUCKING HELP ME I’M FUCKED! My body felt like I was being torn into a million pieces, I felt like my brain was getting shred into tiny bits and pieces, and most of all, I couldn’t pin point the pain, it came from inside of me.

It was a little more bearable if I could tell ah, this part of my body hurts, or if I could say what the pain felt like. But the next level… that was something else. it was beyond words. I wanted to cry, I wanted to yell, I wanted to do anything to help me bear the pain, but I could NOT do anything. I stayed still, because as I moved, as I breathed, the pain intensified. if I didn’t do a thing, it was hard to bear, and if I actually DID things, it made it even harder to bear.

It was like that lock system we were taught in military camp. There is a way to make a knot with the limbs of a person, usually hands, but legs are not excluded. And the more they move, the tighter the lock gets, till their arms eventually breaks, and if it gets worse, people die. We were not exactly taught this, but we were show this technique. I never had the opportunity to learn tis.

Either way, that was what it felt like: a lock, where staying still was as good as impossible. And where moving made it worse. I stayed there, for how long, I cannot recall and guess what? I DON’T even want to recall the hours spent in the pain.

My consciousness started to get hazy, my vision was blurry and I couldn’t see anything or anyone. I couldn’t hear a thing, just pain. Yes, I heard my pain. It was a monotone world of pain, but it hurt me… the pain covered me like a blanket in winter. My consciousness couldn’t take it anymore as well, as I began slipping out of the conscious.

I felt my life slipping away. Wait, am I going to fucking die? Am I going to allow myself to fucking die? Am I an idiot? Fuck no. NO! I am not going down to death, not this way. There is no way I will allow PUSSY to be written on my gravestone, if I am having one.

My life flashed in front of my eyes, second, by second… one second showing more than I could ever achieve in ten years. Ah, well, I was indeed forty two, of course, several things would have passed my vision if I was going to die, which I am not going to die!

Hey, make sure to come back, bitches, and be ensured that I shall not die this way. If you don’t, I will return from the grave and haunt you and all your descendants. Ahaha!

All I felt after that was pain, to the point that it felt cold and numb, and fucking dark. All I saw was darkness. The pain was a good thing, because I may have been numb, but it was still there, and I knew that as long as I was alive, I could feel. Remember Kaneki? There was a meme I saw of kaneki, the makers trying to be all sophisticated and elegant. The quote about pain, that hit me hard in my subconscious mind: ‘Pain is your ally, Pain is your friend, Pain tell you that it’s not the end yet’ or something like that, I don’t remember the exact words but you get the gist of it right?

My slowly consciousness faded, and I felt my life slipping through my hands… I wanted like hell to come out alive.


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