“The Kama-sutra is a misunderstood book. It isn’t only about the sex positions as the countless translations that only publish that portion of the book would have you believe. That only takes up about 20% of the book.
“What it is actually about is the union of man and woman, both physical and spiritual – “
“Hey Mister, Robby said you had the dough. He said you’d give me some if I sucked your cock. Why don’t you shut your trap and whip out your dick already?”
The one who had so rudely interrupted me was a sickly pale young girl. Her eyes were sunken and ringed with dark shadows while she kept fidgeting and rubbing her left forearm that was riddled with puncture scars.
A drug addict. One undergoing withdrawal.
Robbie was the local drug dealer for the shady neighbourhood I had found myself in after being released from jail.
Why did I serve time? Well, which visionary didn’t serve time? Nelson Mandela served time, Gandhi served time, hell, Galileo was put to death by the church.
I wasn’t a criminal, just misunderstood.
Uhhh… well, that aphrodisiac fuelled orgy might have been the wrong way to go about promoting the Kama-sutra but… we all live and learn.
“Whoa, slow down girl, I’ll put some stuff on the burner, but you have to promise to listen to what I have to say.”
The girl nodded swiftly. At this point, she’d sell her soul to the devil for a pinch of crack.
She was so young, probably still at the school-going age. I decided that ridding her of her addiction would be the first step to my come-back.
It would be a charming story of the teachings of the Kama-sutra overcoming the evil lure of drugs. I could just imagine the rows of reporters.
Snapping out of my reverie at the impatient noises made by the girl, I turned around and began to mix different amounts of the powdered herbs I had in containers on a shelf behind me.
The thing is, I was a graduate student of chemistry, specializing in the field of pharmacology.
But when I was first introduced to the Kama-sutra by my adventurous girlfriend, I found my new calling.
I realized the depths of its teachings. The vastness of its philosophy.
Kama-sutra is love. Kama-sutra is life.
So, I dropped out and began preaching the gospel of love all over the country. I faced resistance at first but soon, I gained popularity among the youth and was being hailed as the love sage. The Sex Guru.
But good things don’t last long.
By following the fuzzy instructions in the Kama-sutra about herbal aphrodisiacs and combining it with my modern scientific know-how, I got quite adept at creating non-addicting mood-altering agents.
Having gathered together with volunteers, I began putting them to the test. It was a wild success. It was a wilder night.
From then, it became a regular feature of my work.
Until one day, cops busted the doors down and caught all of us with our pants down, literally. Then… then you can guess what happened.
Tantric Sex Guru Drugs Followers.
That was the headline the next day. I was done for.
Now, out after five years due to my good behaviour, here I was, stony broke and preaching to a druggie in a hovel in the shadier parts of town.
I finally finished mixing the herbs.
Obviously, I wasn’t interested in tapping a druggie, let alone, her age was below my strike zone. I wanted to have her relax, take the edge off he withdrawal symptoms so she could listen to me.
I put the powder in an earthen incense burner and lit it. A thin wisp of pure white smoke soon emanated from it and spread out across the room.
The smoke was tinted a slight pink from the light coming from the table lamp I had with a red lampshade.
The girl greedily sniffed in the smoke and I could see her slowly calm down, her fidgeting reduced and her breaths grew less urgent even as some glimmer of clarity returned to her eyes.
I smiled inwardly in self-satisfaction. It looked like I still hadn’t lost the magic touch.
Settling down on my yoga mat, cross-legged, I opened my mouth to preach again.
*BAM*BAM*BAM*
The sound of someone ponding against the door resounded through the tiny apartment.
*CRRACK*
The door was kicked off its hinges and two uniformed cops burst in with their guns out. I had a sinking feeling in my gut. It gave me a strong sense of Déjà vu.
Seeing that no one threatening was inside the room, they holstered their guns and brought out their batons.
One looked at the girl, “We were told you had tinys…”
“We were told you had drugs…” said the other as he looked at the burner.
“But never in our wildest dreams did we expect you to have…” then together, “both tinys and drugs.”
“Wait! Officers, I can explain! This isn’t what it looks like. I was just trying to get the girl off her drugs and this smoke, it’s purely herbal. I swear!”
Suddenly, the girl spoke up while giggling, “Mister, we all know weed is a herb. Hehe. Oi, Mister Cop, can I have some of the stuff before you take me in? Please, I’m at my limit… I’ll suck your cock.”
Damn, damn, damn, stupid drug-addled girl, you’ll kill me!
I turned around, desperate to explain, when I was met with the sight of a police baton enlarging in my eyes.
Then my world went dark.
***
“Hey, Tom, did you have to hit the bugger that hard? I don’t think he is breathing.” Said Bart as he looked at the prone form of the man spread-eagled on the floor.
Tom shrugged, “Don’t sweat it. He resisted arrest and accidents happen. Right?”
“But…” began Bart.
Tom leaned in and spoke into his ear. “Besides, he has history of being a scum and… the bigshot whose daughter he enticed into his drug-fuelled orgy wasn’t entirely happy when he heard that the bugger was free again. He’ll take care of it.”
He showed a number with his fingers. “Keep shut, yeah?”
Hesitant, Bart showed another number. Tom nodded.
Then the both of them worked together to haul the corpse out of the room and into their jeep outside, while the panicking girl followed.